While filming our video, now dubbed, "Beth & Scott: Live in Concert", I had a really interesting moment. About half way through, I thought, "I'm doing this for my grandchildren." For those of you who don't know me, I'm 44 and a long way from becomming a grandparent, but that thought did happen and it was a beautiful, pure moment for me. Why? Well, there's lots of reasons to do a video, most of which are related to fame and fortune. but it never had crossed my mind to make a video of us for the next generation. It just never occurred to me. So, the thought of "I'm making this for my grandchildren" was by itself unattached to any motivation that I was aware of. It just bubbled up to the surface and surprised the heck out of me while I was busy giving the performance of my life. Weird, huh?
As I think about it, I have to offer up a truth that many of you might find astonishing: our children, Helen (12) and Stephanie (7) would rather do just about anything than hear us sing and play for children. On the surface, at least, they are openly embarrassed by our job - even though they both have clearly benefited from it as budding artists, themselves. I clearly remember them literally crawling under a table to avoid the audience's gaze during our shows. Helen, in particular, has forbid us to mention her name during a performance and Stephanie, a much lighter soul, has recently made it clear that she'd rather stay home than attend a show. It truly perplexes Helen to hear other kids, even some her own age, praisie her parents. Yeah, I'm aware that this is very normal for a 12 year old growing up in the shadow of parents who get a lot of attention. And it may change. I know.
When I was a kid, my parents acted in community theater. Granted, they did so infrequently, but I was thrilled to see them on stage. I rushed to join them when I could. My brother and I were newsboys in a production fo "Gypsy" and we've been acting ever since. My parents loved music. The stereo was always on in our home. My dad was a very funny man and he passed a lot of his humor onto Craig, my brother, and me. I think it's fair to say that I idolized my father as a young boy.I guess that's why it's hard to hear my child say, "I don't want to see you sing." It's painful, even if I understand some of the reasons she feels the way she does.
So, I'm waiting for the next generation in my family to enjoy what Beth and I have accomplished! My grandchildren, I hope, will have an entirely different perspective of us than our kids. I suppose that's the reason why the the thought, "I'm doing this for my grandchildren" came up during filming. It was a moment when I hoped that I'd have a less complicated relationship with my grandchildren about our career than I do with my own kids. Then again, I can picture Helen saying to her kids, "Yeah, it looks like they're having fun up there - but it was horrible for me and Stephanie."
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Saturday, September 23, 2006
The Big Picture
September 16th, 2006 marked the date when Beth & Scott and Friends took the plunge into the world of video. "Hooray" you say? And I sincerely hope you are right. Because on September 23rd, one week after the taping, I have some very mixed feelings about the experience and the results.
The experience was wonderful. Not to say there weren't some days when I was nervous, but most of the time I enjoyed the process. I enjoyed having something like the video to focus on. For months, my life was pointed towards one date, one big thing and all of our efforts on any given day could go towards the goal of making it better. Over the summer we had many interesting and spirited conversations with the director about the premise. In July, we filmed ourselves so we could analyze the nuances of our performances. And in August we worked on costumes with our designer or discussed marketing with the theater producer and a local friend who pitched in bringing our message to local preschools. And there was so much more I did in the background, including a lot of emotional work preparing myself to be filmed. It was, after all, an awesome thing to agree to having one's life work "preserved for posterity". Hey, you try it some day!
When it was all done, I called one of my friends and said, "We hit it out of the park". I was elated, drained and satisfied. Months of planning by Beth and I and lots of our friends, family and hired hands had led me to a point where I could definitely say, "I've done the best that I can do." It was a great feeling. It reminded me of how I felt when we finished the initial taping of our first CD, "Learn & Play". On that evening, we had all of our musicians stay over for a meal of Paella and red wine. We toasted our success, we reveled in the joy of being artists and the walls rang with our good cheer for days afterward.
When the video shoot was done, Beth and I couldn't rest right away. In fact, we were so wired that we had trouble sleeping the first two nights. Our brains were still on overload even though our bodies were screaming, "Please let me rest!" We were fielding lots of congratulatory phone calls, checking out converage in the local newspaper and smiling a lot as we went over the details of the experience. It was like we were still in a bubble of euphoria.
The bubble burst a few days ago. My friend compares this part of the experience to "the day after Christmas". I remember it most clearly when I was about ten years old. It was a day when all of the presents are opened and the emotional high deflates faster than a birthday balloon. You go back to your bedroom and think, "That's it? Christmas is over and I have to go back to my life, now?" Beth remembers this same kind of emotional despair when a play ended, when everyone who had grown so close during rehearsals and the run simply walked away from you. It's like there's a big hole in your heart where all the hope and joy existed.
There was something else about the video experience, though. I began to worry about the results of our work. My head started spinning with all the different things that could be wrong, unfixable and not worthy of preserving for posterity. On the contrary, I began to wonder if this whole video experience might not be a complete waste of time and money. What if I don't sound good, what if my hair's a mess or I'm too sweaty? My mind, usually so creative and helpful in making dreams come true, had turned itself on me. My mind was creating nightmare scenarios. Oh, no!
Luckily, I have good friends and a loving, supportive wife all of whom understand me and the pickle I was in. Over the course of the next few days I came to realize (with their help) that it was perfectly natural to have these feelings. Almost every artist, no matter his place in the heirarchy of talent, experiences grave doubts about his performance. The goal, however, is to develop oneself into a being who can do his best work and then let go of the results. That's easy to say but extremely hard to do, especially in a consumer-driven culture where we want our work not just to be good, but to sell. And so, we must sit with our uncomfortable feelings. We must worry, for awhile at least, and create our doomsday scenarios just as we created our projects. For some reason, we repeat the experience of December 26th ad infinitum. As someone said, "If it's hysterical, it's historical." How true.
And so, I wait. And relax. After an initial attempt to revert to my workaholic past, I've come to a place where I'm more or less comfortable doing a bit of work here and there, cleaning up loose ends, watching some old episodes of "The West Wing" and, yes, waiting. Waiting for the video, but also waiting for the next big project to come into focus so that I can start working, again. It's what I do. It's who I am.
The experience was wonderful. Not to say there weren't some days when I was nervous, but most of the time I enjoyed the process. I enjoyed having something like the video to focus on. For months, my life was pointed towards one date, one big thing and all of our efforts on any given day could go towards the goal of making it better. Over the summer we had many interesting and spirited conversations with the director about the premise. In July, we filmed ourselves so we could analyze the nuances of our performances. And in August we worked on costumes with our designer or discussed marketing with the theater producer and a local friend who pitched in bringing our message to local preschools. And there was so much more I did in the background, including a lot of emotional work preparing myself to be filmed. It was, after all, an awesome thing to agree to having one's life work "preserved for posterity". Hey, you try it some day!
When it was all done, I called one of my friends and said, "We hit it out of the park". I was elated, drained and satisfied. Months of planning by Beth and I and lots of our friends, family and hired hands had led me to a point where I could definitely say, "I've done the best that I can do." It was a great feeling. It reminded me of how I felt when we finished the initial taping of our first CD, "Learn & Play". On that evening, we had all of our musicians stay over for a meal of Paella and red wine. We toasted our success, we reveled in the joy of being artists and the walls rang with our good cheer for days afterward.
When the video shoot was done, Beth and I couldn't rest right away. In fact, we were so wired that we had trouble sleeping the first two nights. Our brains were still on overload even though our bodies were screaming, "Please let me rest!" We were fielding lots of congratulatory phone calls, checking out converage in the local newspaper and smiling a lot as we went over the details of the experience. It was like we were still in a bubble of euphoria.
The bubble burst a few days ago. My friend compares this part of the experience to "the day after Christmas". I remember it most clearly when I was about ten years old. It was a day when all of the presents are opened and the emotional high deflates faster than a birthday balloon. You go back to your bedroom and think, "That's it? Christmas is over and I have to go back to my life, now?" Beth remembers this same kind of emotional despair when a play ended, when everyone who had grown so close during rehearsals and the run simply walked away from you. It's like there's a big hole in your heart where all the hope and joy existed.
There was something else about the video experience, though. I began to worry about the results of our work. My head started spinning with all the different things that could be wrong, unfixable and not worthy of preserving for posterity. On the contrary, I began to wonder if this whole video experience might not be a complete waste of time and money. What if I don't sound good, what if my hair's a mess or I'm too sweaty? My mind, usually so creative and helpful in making dreams come true, had turned itself on me. My mind was creating nightmare scenarios. Oh, no!
Luckily, I have good friends and a loving, supportive wife all of whom understand me and the pickle I was in. Over the course of the next few days I came to realize (with their help) that it was perfectly natural to have these feelings. Almost every artist, no matter his place in the heirarchy of talent, experiences grave doubts about his performance. The goal, however, is to develop oneself into a being who can do his best work and then let go of the results. That's easy to say but extremely hard to do, especially in a consumer-driven culture where we want our work not just to be good, but to sell. And so, we must sit with our uncomfortable feelings. We must worry, for awhile at least, and create our doomsday scenarios just as we created our projects. For some reason, we repeat the experience of December 26th ad infinitum. As someone said, "If it's hysterical, it's historical." How true.
And so, I wait. And relax. After an initial attempt to revert to my workaholic past, I've come to a place where I'm more or less comfortable doing a bit of work here and there, cleaning up loose ends, watching some old episodes of "The West Wing" and, yes, waiting. Waiting for the video, but also waiting for the next big project to come into focus so that I can start working, again. It's what I do. It's who I am.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
An Apple a Day
I love Apple computers. For the life of me, I cannot fathom being a PC user. I bought my first Apple Macintosh when I was fresh out of college in the mid-80's. Amazingly, it cost me nearly the same as a brand new G5 Power Mac does today.
I'm sure there are a lot of great things about being a PC user, but there's just so many cool things that a Mac does better. Most recently, the geniuses at Apple have created a suite of programs called I-Life 2006. These are applications that integrate working with photos, movies, music and webcasting. It's intutive, easy to learn and the results are stunning. As a creative dude, I must tell you that I have to drag myself away from the computer to eat. Yeah, these programs are that cool!
For anyone who is afraid of taking the plunge into the Apple world, know that the latest Macs are being manufactured to run Windows, too. That's right, you can now get all the stunning, unbelievable things that are native to the Apple environment and still have access to all of your favorite app's in Windows.
One concern...I hope this doesn't mean that we'll be visited by all of the viruses that plague the PC world! If you didn't know it, we Mac folks have been virtually untouched by the viruses that infect PCs. I imagine that this is a horrible thing to have to deal with and I hope we remain "disease-free". Are vitamin C tablets available for computers?
I'm sure there are a lot of great things about being a PC user, but there's just so many cool things that a Mac does better. Most recently, the geniuses at Apple have created a suite of programs called I-Life 2006. These are applications that integrate working with photos, movies, music and webcasting. It's intutive, easy to learn and the results are stunning. As a creative dude, I must tell you that I have to drag myself away from the computer to eat. Yeah, these programs are that cool!
For anyone who is afraid of taking the plunge into the Apple world, know that the latest Macs are being manufactured to run Windows, too. That's right, you can now get all the stunning, unbelievable things that are native to the Apple environment and still have access to all of your favorite app's in Windows.
One concern...I hope this doesn't mean that we'll be visited by all of the viruses that plague the PC world! If you didn't know it, we Mac folks have been virtually untouched by the viruses that infect PCs. I imagine that this is a horrible thing to have to deal with and I hope we remain "disease-free". Are vitamin C tablets available for computers?
Sunday, January 08, 2006
The River that Flows
Since my last post, I've taken a number of steps towards expanding, growing and diversifying my business. And it feels great! I've reached a place where I'm willing to go beyond just TALKING about my ideas (my friend, Jeff, calls this state "Professional Planning"). But now I'm actually DOING something concrete to reach those dreams.
As a result, my head feels like a perky popcorn maker. The ideas are coming so fast and, to my pleasant surprise, without the usual accompaniment of fear and loathing. In my past, when I would think about creating a tv show or DVDs or whatever, I would typically find reasons why it was beyond me - whether it was too much of a risk, too expensive or time consuming - I could always come up with enough good reasons to NOT do something. I was a Professional Obstacle Creator. But now the ideas are opportunities that I can apply to my growth. And they just keep coming as if I've been holding them back for years...which I have!
Interestingly, I find myself in a place where the possibility of falling down or embarrassing myself in front of others is insufficient to stop me from taking these steps. I'm not concentrating on falling down, though. I'm concentrated on activating my potential to move forward. And y'know what? Everyone I meet becomes a potential teacher or partner. It's as if I've been reborn into a new way of perceiving myself and the world around me.
It reminds me of that feeling you get when you're in love: the world looks and smells better, colors become more vibrant, one notices as if for the first time how very blue and beautiful the sky is. To some people, this might be the spark of the divine coming alive in oneself. To me, it's being in touch with the river that is at my center that has been there since I was a child. It's a very spiritual and comforting feeling.
Looking at it another way, I believe that I am as a stick in a great river traveling through its fast currents, getting caught temporarily in obstacles and either allowing or fighting against the difficulties that I encounter. As I allow myself to flow with the current, I can choose to enjoy the ride - even during those times when I know that I am caught - for I know that in time a way will open up for me to continue on my journey.
Right now, though, it feels like I'm floating down a wide open part of the river looking up at a cloudless sky and the branches that gently overhang above me. I am just enjoying the ride.
"What a day for a daydream. Custom made for a daydreamin' boy." (John Sebastian)
Isn't music a wondeful gift? It's this amazing way in which to get connected to oneself and to the sense of oneness that has always been and will forever be. And working with children in music is doubly rewarding because they are still free of so much that might inhibit them from connecting to themselves and that source in their teen years. I don't need to create an opportunity for young children to connect with music for it finds them and they start dancing and singing without any concern for how they look or perform. They are the true, organic artists. They are my role models.
May I continue floating down this river to the melody of my own child-like sense of play and wonder.
As a result, my head feels like a perky popcorn maker. The ideas are coming so fast and, to my pleasant surprise, without the usual accompaniment of fear and loathing. In my past, when I would think about creating a tv show or DVDs or whatever, I would typically find reasons why it was beyond me - whether it was too much of a risk, too expensive or time consuming - I could always come up with enough good reasons to NOT do something. I was a Professional Obstacle Creator. But now the ideas are opportunities that I can apply to my growth. And they just keep coming as if I've been holding them back for years...which I have!
Interestingly, I find myself in a place where the possibility of falling down or embarrassing myself in front of others is insufficient to stop me from taking these steps. I'm not concentrating on falling down, though. I'm concentrated on activating my potential to move forward. And y'know what? Everyone I meet becomes a potential teacher or partner. It's as if I've been reborn into a new way of perceiving myself and the world around me.
It reminds me of that feeling you get when you're in love: the world looks and smells better, colors become more vibrant, one notices as if for the first time how very blue and beautiful the sky is. To some people, this might be the spark of the divine coming alive in oneself. To me, it's being in touch with the river that is at my center that has been there since I was a child. It's a very spiritual and comforting feeling.
Looking at it another way, I believe that I am as a stick in a great river traveling through its fast currents, getting caught temporarily in obstacles and either allowing or fighting against the difficulties that I encounter. As I allow myself to flow with the current, I can choose to enjoy the ride - even during those times when I know that I am caught - for I know that in time a way will open up for me to continue on my journey.
Right now, though, it feels like I'm floating down a wide open part of the river looking up at a cloudless sky and the branches that gently overhang above me. I am just enjoying the ride.
"What a day for a daydream. Custom made for a daydreamin' boy." (John Sebastian)
Isn't music a wondeful gift? It's this amazing way in which to get connected to oneself and to the sense of oneness that has always been and will forever be. And working with children in music is doubly rewarding because they are still free of so much that might inhibit them from connecting to themselves and that source in their teen years. I don't need to create an opportunity for young children to connect with music for it finds them and they start dancing and singing without any concern for how they look or perform. They are the true, organic artists. They are my role models.
May I continue floating down this river to the melody of my own child-like sense of play and wonder.
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